January 2012
102 posts
Mom bailed on the party. how lame is that.
Jan 1st
3 notes
3 tags
new year's chat between myself, mom & a friend.
"i'm just saying, Mom, you might see a different side of me at the party."
"please, what side of you haven't I seen?"
"his penis."
Jan 1st
6 notes
2 tags
who’s got two thumbs and takes his mom to a new year’s party? take a guess.
Jan 1st
5 notes
December 2011
90 posts
glanced in the mirror and legitimately thought I was Tarzan for a second.
Dec 31st
7 notes
Dec 30th
8,182 notes
Dec 30th
343 notes
I should probably specify that by ‘shirtless photo op’ I mean drunkenly taking my shirt off and photobombing somebody else’s picture.  
Dec 30th
1 note
time to get ripped as fuck for  any potential shirtless photo op on new year’s eve.   
Dec 30th
1 note
3 tags
Dec 30th
18 notes
1 tag
Dec 29th
3 notes
So, the DMV. everything everybody ever said is true.
Dec 29th
2 notes
2 tags
Dec 29th
9 notes
feeling pretty jacked. feels good, man.
Dec 29th
3 notes
Dec 28th
2,154 notes
Dec 28th
2,339 notes
Dec 28th
13,358 notes
I saw a personal trainer today. It took him 24 minutes to put me on the edge of throwing up all over his shoes.
Dec 27th
3 notes
congruencerespectsmultiplication asked: Do you like your friends?
Dec 27th
2 notes
sometimes I wonder if my friends even like me, or if we hang out because it’s easier than meeting and learning new people. it’s a fleeting thought, but it stings like hell.
Dec 27th
4 notes
Car won’t start. Merry Christmas.
Dec 25th
2 notes
Anonymous asked: i am in LOVE with your blog D: my mom bought a new car and got 10 best buy gift cards.. so u can have one.. just put in your email at best9buy(dót)com and then after put in the code 'gotoyota' MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Dec 23rd
1 note
1 tag
Completely convinced I live in the wrong goddamn state.
Dec 23rd
6 notes
the lady at the gym was giving this Hispanic guy (pretty sure he was Mexican) a tour of the gym. Upon passing the tanning booth she said to him, “we also have tanning, but you’re pretty tan already.” & I have no idea if she meant that as an offhand racial joke or what. It sounded like one of those comments she couldn’t stop from coming out so she just...
Dec 21st
2 notes
Patrick Stump: aludiguh cornflakes cock eaten pullet
Me: what
Patrick Stump: aloo dedguh sportsplex crocs kitten bullet
Me: excuse me
Google: a loaded god complex cock it and pull it
Me: oh
Dec 17th
25,811 notes
1 tag
Reginald! Reginald Fairfield!
Dec 17th
4 notes
2 tags
can we all just agree that T-Pain has gone full robot?
Dec 17th
4 notes
2 tags
I was singing Minority by Green Day & it accidentally turned into the Irish Drinking Song from Whose Line.
Dec 15th
Dec 14th
1,571 notes
God I suck at Call of Duty. I’ll whoop that ass in Rock Band though.
Dec 14th
2 notes
8pm? nap time. fuck it.
Dec 14th
2 tags
my mom just unlocked my door with a screwdriver(?) so she could talk to me about frying pans.
Dec 14th
5 notes
1 tag
bitches is bitches.
Dec 14th
can we just talk about how terrible the new Taio Cruz song is? jesus christ.
Dec 14th
2 tags
Dec 14th
5 notes
Dec 14th
12,280 notes
Dec 13th
6 notes
2 tags
Dec 13th
4 notes
3 tags
Dec 13th
10 notes
Dec 13th
61,567 notes
3 tags
“A clean room is a happy room.”
– Tommy Pickles
Dec 12th
8 notes
drank my pre-workout drink, looked at the clock & thought “maybe I have a problem.”
Dec 11th
4 notes
perfectlyadequateblogger: have a date with yourself at least once a week.  the best part? I always get laid.
Dec 11th
9 notes
left my shampoo & body wash in the gym’s shower this morning. dammit.
Dec 11th
2 notes
Dec 11th
13 notes
2 tags
Dec 10th
3 notes
Dec 9th
5,288 notes
how to get in shape
- breakfast burrito - workout - iHop - half of a pumpkin roll - workout - breakfast burrito am I doing this right?
Dec 8th
9 notes
2 tags
Dec 8th
1 note
it’s half past midnight. and I’m listening to Adele to get pumped up for my workout. I completely understand that my masculinity is commonly in question.
Dec 8th
2 notes
I just want to eat the whole goddamn pumpkin roll....
Dec 7th
3 notes